Difficult conversations: When they don't want to hear what you have to say

By David R. Peters, CPA 

We all have had them. 

Those moments when we know we have to tell a client something they do not want to hear. Perhaps it is when we have to tell the client that an expenditure is not deductible, like they were hoping. Perhaps it is that hot-button issue we know the client is not going to be terribly open to discussing. Perhaps it is when we have to admit we made a mistake. In those moments, we wish we could be anywhere else — instantaneously teleported to our couch at home, halfway around the world or a deserted island. Anywhere would be fine, as long as we are away from the gaze of the soon-to-be unhappy client.  

When we know that a client is not going to like the news we must deliver, communication can be difficult. The prospect of having to talk to a client about a sensitive topic can be intimidating. While some CPAs may take some degree of pride in their ability to “let things roll off their back,” the fact is that we all want to be liked. We want our clients to think we are smart. We want our clients to feel that their money is well spent with us. Simply put, we want our clients to like us. However, how can our clients like us when we have to tell them bad news? 

Before I went into the accounting profession, I briefly worked as a hospital chaplain in Pittsburgh. The University of Pittsburgh Medical Center is a huge hospital composed of several smaller hospitals that, over time, had merged into one enormous complex. I used to cover three different floors, talking to patients and their families about everything from the bad hospital food to issues of life and death. Difficult conversations were the norm in that environment, especially when I would make my daily rounds in one of the intensive care units. Emotions often ran high on that floor, and, similar to the accountant who is only interpreting what the tax code means, I was often guilty by simply walking in the patient’s room after they had found out something they didn’t want to hear. I was guilty by association. 

At first, I would try to counter their anger by trying to help the patient see how illogical it was to be mad at me. However, similar to the way a client is not really open to hearing how a Financial Accounting Standards Board (FASB) rule is equitable in most circumstances, patients were not really open to hearing logic. Through these experiences, I developed a new approach to successfully get through those moments. While the conversations have gone from being about life and death to taxable income and deductible expenditures, many of the concepts I used as a chaplain are still applicable when I walk into the room to give difficult news to one of my clients today. 

Acknowledging the moment 

For a long time, I thought the key to talking about a difficult topic was finding the magic words that would instantly make the conversation comfortable. But here’s the truth: There are no magic words. A tense room is a tense room. There is nothing you can say that will make that disappear. However, acknowledging the difficulty of the moment is helpful. Tell the client this is going to be a hard conversation. Tell the client they are probably not going to like what you are about to tell them. Tell them you wish that you had better news to offer. Saying these things acknowledges the situation you are both in by describing what you are both likely feeling in the heat of the moment. It reinforces the fact that you are being genuine and honest. You are not trying to pretend that the situation is anything but what it actually is — a difficult conversation. 

Let me be clear: Saying these things will not make the conversation less heated and also does not give you license to say anything less than what you need to say to the client. You need to tell them what they need to hear (bad news and all) right after you acknowledge the moment. If you don’t, you will ruin the credibility you just helped build. You just acknowledged the moment as hard, and established that you are an honest professional who genuinely wants to help. If you don’t follow that up with an honest, straight-forward message to the client, you lose everything you just established. However, when you acknowledge that a situation is difficult, you can more easily make the transition in the client’s mind to someone who is genuinely looking to help. You are not a cold professional. You understand that the moment is hard, and you simply want to help if you can. 

Give the client room  

Have you ever been in a room where you are constantly interrupted? If you have, then you know how frustrating it can be to feel like you are not being heard or are not an equal. You are not being recognized as someone who can legitimately contribute to the conversation with ideas and thoughts. This is obviously a terrible feeling; one we hope none of our clients would ever have. In the heat of delivering hard news to a client though, we are often so worried about the client being mad that we may try to keep talking. It is almost as if we think that if we never end our sentence, the client won’t have a chance to be angry or upset.  

Such reasoning, whether conscious or not, is clearly illogical. In truth, we do more damage by not giving the client room to react to our news. We inadvertently send the message that their feelings and concerns do not matter enough for us to listen to them. While this can be difficult, especially if the client is likely to be angry, it is important to give them the space to say what they need to say. It is important for you to acknowledge that you hear them and understand their frustration. 

Obviously, a big part of successfully giving a client space to react to bad news involves listening. As a chaplain, one of the most important things I learned from some of my colleagues is that if you listen to someone long enough, they will tell you everything. If you want to get a complete idea of what the client is feeling, just listen. Don’t feel the need to fill an awkward silence. You don’t need to respond to everything that is said. Just listen. Let the client be angry, sad or frustrated, and acknowledge it. By doing this, the client knows you respect their feelings and thoughts. 

Be clear you want a better outcome 

You want to get the client to the point that they are no longer looking at you as adversary — the person who has delivered bad news. Once you have acknowledged the difficulty of the moment and truly listened to their response, use what they have told you to find workable solutions. Be clear that this is what you want to do, even if not in the heat of the moment. For example, as a tax practitioner, I often run across situations in which a client is not in an ideal tax situation. There may not be much I can do on the current year’s return, but I always offer a plan for how we can improve going forward. I also tell them I want to help them achieve a better outcome on future returns. While this may not stop a client from being unhappy about the current situation, it does send the message that you want to help. You are in their corner and looking out for their well-being going forward. 

The key to all of these approaches is being genuine. Most people can tell if you are not being honest with them, or simply trying to give them a line. So don’t do that. Only say things you mean, be truthful and show genuine concern for your client’s well-being. While this will not make you an expert at navigating difficult conversations — I don’t think such a person exists — it will help you to get your point across and send the message that you value the person sitting across the table from you. 

David Peters, CPA, is the sole proprietor of Peters Tax Preparation & Consulting, as well as an outside representative for Carroll Financial Inc. He is an adjunct professor in accounting, insurance and ethics, and a doctoral student in financial planning. He sits on the VSCPA Editorial Task Force.

The information discussed herein is general in nature and provided for informational purposes only. There is no guarantee as to its accuracy or completeness. Nothing in this article constitutes an offer to sell or a solicitation of any offer to buy any type of securities.  

Registered representative offering securities through Cetera Advisor Networks LLC, Member SIPC/FINRA. Advisory services offered through Carroll Financial Associates, Inc., a Registered Investment Advisor. Carroll Financial and Cetera Advisor Networks LLC are not affiliated. Registered Branch Address: 4201 Congress St, Suite 210, Charlotte, NC 28209.