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Preventing Financial Infidelity in Your Relationship

September 30, 2018

Last year’s Ashley Madison hack may have revealed some interesting things about extra-marital affairs. However, there are far-less-obvious forms of infidelity that can be equally damaging to a relationship, one of which is financial infidelity. The Virginia Society of Certified Public Accountants (VSCPA) advises you how to identify the causes of and prevent financial infidelity in your relationship.

What Is Financial Infidelity?

Financial infidelity is the violation of an assumed or stated contract between couples about spending, saving and investing. Some of the more obvious examples of financial infidelity are accumulating credit card debt, withdrawing assets from a joint account or excessive gambling — all while keeping them a secret from a partner. Less-obvious examples include making risky investment decisions without consulting a partner, or even hiding expensive purchases from a spouse because he or she may disapprove.

Root Causes 

There are many reasons why financial transparency can be hard to achieve. For example, couples may not agree on how to spend money. One spouse may have more expensive taste, while the other prefers to save money. This can also be true if one spouse makes more than the other and feels a sense of entitlement toward their assets. Spouses may also feel a lack of independence if they are required to coordinate every purchase. Inheritances, second marriages and other unique family situations can further complicate matters.

Financial Management

It is important for couples to determine what they want their shared financial life to look like. The earlier this is agreed upon, the easier it will be to achieve. Some couples may decide to keep separate bank accounts and have an additional joint account for shared expenses, or decide to keep one joint account for everything. Either way, it is important that both parties know and agree on what is going in and out of these accounts.

  Many couples choose to employ a segregation of duties when it comes to managing household finances. One spouse may take complete responsibility for paying the bills and balancing the checkbook, in which case the other spouse may lose touch with the couple’s financial picture over time. This can lead to financial infidelity if the spouse who is making the spending decisions does not consider what is best for both. One way to alleviate this risk is to make sure that both parties are aware of what is going on.


The line between right and wrong for investing is not as clearly defined. With many variables, each person may have different goals and ideas about how to reach goals. One spouse may not share identical risk preferences. When it comes to identifying appropriate asset allocation or changing a portfolio, it is important that both parties are consulted.         


Couples often enter into relationships with acquired assets or debt. Couples need to be open and honest about their complete financial pictures. They should discuss whether assets will be held jointly or kept separately, as well as agree on a plan to pay off any debt. It is also a very good idea for individuals to share their credit reports with their spouses.

Consult Your Local CPA

Want more great advice on financial issues? Turn to your local CPA. He or she can offer practical advice to help you make smart financial choices.

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